Me

So, I'm trying to land a job and I'm supposed to blog. I find this completely unnatural and difficult; though, I am an English major and former teacher. I've always thought myself more a technical/analytical writer. Give me a piece of literature to dissect, and I can work wonders on it even if I hate the selection. Give me a random topic and I can pull a decent five-paragraph essay out of it in no time at all. But ask me to write creatively or about me and writer's block ensues.

I guess to start I'll tell you about my past. I'm the oldest daughter of three of very young parents. My parents quit school as teenagers to get married, and I was born fourteen months later. They survived the odds and are still married which is more than I've managed to do. They are simply wonderful people! Having quit school and witnessed firsthand the struggles of working without a full education, my sisters and I were always pushed to succeed in school. When I graduated from high school, I was the first girl to graduate on my dad's side of the family. I am currently still the only person on either side of my family to have a Bachelor's degree; though, my youngest sister is currently attending college and will hopefully follow suit.

I am the epitome of the oldest child syndrome. I thrive on pleasing people. I will work extra hard to succeed to keep from disappointing people. My expectations are always much higher for myself than others and I think in the end I tend to disappoint myself more than anyone else. I'm working on recognizing I'm human and will make mistakes. ;-)

I won't lie. I feel a little lost right now. The last six months have truly knocked me on my rear and sucked any self-confidence out of me. In September, My spouse and I separated. I knew it would eventually come, but the timing threw me. I didn't see that coming. So I moved out, a Separation Agreement and Property Settlement and Child Custody Order were made, and I ventured out to live on my own for the first time. (I married young at twenty and went from living with my parents to living with a spouse). Just when I was beginning to feel comfortable with the new arrangement, I lost my job suddenly and with no warning in early December. It was bad enough that I was having to admit defeat in marriage. I didn't care for my job, but it was keeping me going and giving me a reason to get up mornings. Losing my job so soon after losing a spouse, that was the kicker that 2011 wasn't my year. I felt beaten up.

I am a mom. I have two lovely children- a ten year old boy named Matthias and a two year old girl named Vivien. They brighten up my world. And while I'm still struggling with being newly separated, when I look at them I can't regret anything about my marriage. It was meant to be so I would have those two perfect children.

I was a stay at home mom for some length of time with both children. During both I knew that it would be temporary. I was meant to work outside the home. I'm happier, more organized, and a better time manager when I have a job. I'm naturally introverted and won't seek out companions when staying home. Having friends at work are necessary for me. And I love the sense of purpose having a job then coming home to enjoy quality time with my kids.

As such, I want to find a job that gives me a purpose- that makes me feel like I am helping people and perhaps makes a difference in this world. I want not to get rich, but just make enough to provide a decent way of life for myself and kids. I want to *want* to come to work because I love the people who work with me and they appreciate what I do. If I can find those things, my life will be one step closer to being back on track and allow me to find the new me.