Bullies

All this news coverage of recent bullying suicides has stirred up a lot of emotions for me. It doesn't help that my lovely niece is dealing with this issue as a sixth grader moving up to middle school. It's so severe she's had bruises on her arms and she's scared to go to school. Bullies suck! It doesn't matter the reason why a person is bullied; the end result is the same. The victim feels helpless and hopeless, and that is a terrible feeling.

I was a victim of bullying on two separate occasions in high school. Both left me feeling hopeless and inferior and likely led to my issues of low self-esteem which I still grapple with today. Like my niece, the first incident was after leaving behind a comfortable previous school to go to a bigger, scarier school only mine happened in the ninth grade. It couldn't have occurred at a worse time for me. I was already dealing with vast changes in my life. To no longer feel safe at school was like the final straw for me. The girls bullying me made fun of my clothes, my hair, called me a goody-goody tattletale, blamed me for something I never did, and threatened to beat me up virtually every day. They were older- juniors and seniors- and unfortunately in my chorus class so I had to see them on a daily basis. It finally came to a head the day someone threw gum in my hair during the middle of class; I broke down in tears, and a friend had to cut a chunk of my hair out to get rid of the gum. I never told the teacher (or anyone really because I was scared); though, I trusted the teacher implicitly and know she would have helped. Such is the pattern for the victim; they're just afraid to speak up.

The second incident was far more traumatic to me because this time it was friends. To say I was a serial crusher and dater with no long-term relationships in high school would be the understatement of the 80s where I am concerned. But when I fell, I fell hard (for a very brief period of time). After a crush fell through in a particularly ugly way, alliances were created. The ones who turned against me turned hard. They were vicious. Ugly notes were sent. Threats were made. They routinely called me a cow in the hallways- once again, fueling weight/body issues which linger today. They called me other names- like airhead (arguably true but hurtful nonetheless), stupid, ugly, etc. Since, I was a fairly meek person, I rarely stood up for myself. I was truly scared someone was going to beat me up. I suffered from stress-induced asthma and missed school because of it. In addition, I also faked asthma attacks just to get out of going to school. I hated, absolutely HATED, walking the hallways. I never knew when someone might come up to me threaten me or call me names. For a long time, that three-month period was the worst experience of my life. That is no longer the case, but yet it's still a vividly painful period of my life.

So with that, I'll simply say this. Bullies suck ass! It's that plain and simple. If you have children, I hope you teach them that bullying is unacceptable- that they should never do it nor play any role in it. If you know someone is being bullied, staying silent and doing nothing is part of the problem. The only way to end this is to stand united against it.